Yesterday morning I woke suddenly. My heart thumped rapidly and before I even sat up, I felt overwhelmed. After throwing back the duvet, I walked downstairs and started through my usual routine. As I did, the feelings of irritability, dread, and worry intensified. And I had no idea why. 

I’ve experienced anxiety enough in the past to know that it’s just a feeling and eventually would wear off. Trying to distract myself from all the spiraling thoughts, I made my morning cup of coffee and sat down for some time with God. 

I reached for my journal, found a blank page, and the spirals began to ink out over them. “Lord, I’m worried and I don’t know why! Draw me close to you, send your perfect peace, and help the anxiety ease.”

Then, opening my bible, I began to read. But the words just didn’t go in. I tried reading them aloud, but it was like my brain had a no entry in place. I read the same chapter three times and I didn’t take in a single word. All I was aware of was the companionship of anxiety.

I prayed again. Please fill me peace; let me draw close to you. Refresh me, Jesus. I need you. My heart continued to race. I relaxed back onto the sofa and closed my eyes. Jesus, please be with me. May your word be a balm to my soul.

In my quiet time with God I was doing everything I could to cast my anxiety and worries on Jesus. But my anxiety wasn’t leaving. I sat in this strange place of fear, knowing that Jesus was with me, but the peace I so desperately sought was absent. Have you ever felt like you’ve come to Jesus and you just can’t find him, and the worry clings to your soul no matter how hard you try to get rid of it?  

I would love to say that Jesus washed my anxiety away that morning. But he didn’t. I felt distant and worried, even though there was no rational reason for me to be so.  

This is anxiety. 

Anxiety is an emotion characterized by feelings of tension, worried thoughts, and physical changes like increased blood pressure. (American Psychological Situation)

It’s an internal alarm system that often warns us of impending danger. So, anxiety isn’t inherently bad and has a purpose in protecting us from harm. However, there are times when anxiety episodes come and there is no true threat, and the what-ifs of tomorrow overwhelm the present. 

 

Yesterday morning my body was in a psychological funk. My brain made me think I needed to worry and that impacted me physically. It doesn’t matter that I have a full understanding that anxiety is just a feeling. Even though I knew that truth, I found it hard to fight the battle of all the resulting emotions.

Thankfully, we can train ourselves to deal with this. For me, I take a walk until the feeling dissipates. I put on my AirPods and listen to some worship music. Here’s a link to my favorite playlist on Spotify.  Other times, I immerse myself in a good book, or get some exercise––which stimulates the release of happy hormones––thus overriding the ones that stimulated my anxiety in the first place. I should probably stop my morning cup of coffee, but I love it!

These actions can help you. But for some, anxiety is an ever-constant companion and there’s no way out of it. It’s with you when you wake up, go to work, pick up the kids from school, and make dinner. It never leaves. It encroaches as crashing waves into every part of your life, and sometimes you feel helpless to deal with it. 

If this is you, get help. Seek the support of a medical professional or counselor. You are not alone. Approximately one in three experience anxiety at some point in their adult life (National Institute of Mental Health 2020). To really understand that you are not alone, imagine you are sitting in a movie theater and the row has fifteen seats. Five people in that row will experience and need help to deal with anxiety. That’s a lot of people. 

In the past, I’ve had friends who’ve told me when I’m feeling anxious to seek the presence of Jesus. They’re not wrong. Usually, his peace and love restores my heart, mind, and soul. Yet there have been times like this morning when it doesn’t matter how much I cry out to God that feeling of distance from him isn’t overcome. I’ve often asked myself why? Why God when I cry out to you do you not come and take a burden from me? I long to be still and sit in your presence at the foot of your cross. Yet I feel so far away.

But what I do know is that even though my mind races, and my heart pounds, Jesus is right by my side. Just because I can’t feel him doesn’t detach me from the truth that he is with us always. In the moments when his presence is palpable, to the times when I’m crying out begging him to remove the worry, he sits with me, holds my hand through my brain funk, and whispers, “I am with you.”

When moments filled with anxiety come, I remind myself of these verses. Just because I’m worried doesn’t mean he’s not by my side.

Declare these with me today:

Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the Lord your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Deuteronomy 31:6

 

The Lord replied, “My presence will go with you and I will give you rest.” Exodus 33:14

 

So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand. Isaiah 41:10

 

A love letter from God …

Dear lovely one,

I want you to rest in the knowledge and the certainty that I am with you even when you think I’m far away. I promise you I’m not; I am right by your side. As you seek freedom from anxiety, take care of yourself. Go for a walk and get some fresh air. Look up into the trees and see the birds that rest on the branches. I have made them and I have provided for them. And I provide for you. I know it’s January and you may feel in the midst of the deepest winter, but spring is coming. Hold out your hand and I will guide you forward. Do not be afraid to ask for my help or the help of others. Because everyone needs a little help sometimes. 

I see you, my beloved; I love you. And I am with you always. 

Love, God