“We need to do a biopsy,” said my doctor, with no hint of a smile, only concern.

“Cancer?” I replied as a single tear slid down my cheek. I’d known something wasn’t right when I saw her a couple of weeks back.

Handing me a tissue, she said, “Maybe. We won’t know until we send a sample for analysis, and I want to insert a camera to look at what’s happening inside you. There’s another condition which can be precancerous. But it may be nothing at all. The problem is that from your scan, there’s something there that shouldn’t be. The good thing is that whatever it is hasn’t spread outside your uterus.”

“How soon can we do this?”

“Probably within two to three weeks and then a few days for the results to return. My scheduler will contact you in the next few days to get it booked.”

With that, I drove home and called my husband.

He came home; this time, my many tears soaked his shirt as he held me. You see, this wasn’t our first time experiencing medical investigations. Three months earlier, they thought our daughter had leukemia. And it took its toll on me. The waiting process was brutal. I wondered about every possible outcome, and we were about to go through this again.

Maybe you’re like me and not great at waiting when life’s storms crash over you. If so, you’re in good company with Jesus’ disciples and me. 

The disciples didn’t react well to a storm either. They and Jesus were on a boat crossing over to the other shore when a great windstorm arose. Waves broke over the ship, water drenched the men, and Jesus slept utterly unaware of what was happening around him.

The disciples woke Jesus up and said, “Teacher! Don’t you care that we’re going to die?” Mark 4:38 CSB.

When waiting for results, answers, and treatment, how often have we each called out, “Jesus! Don’t you care that we’re going to die?”

As I took the trip on the boat through my daughter’s health issues and now mine, all I could say was, “How can this possibly be your plan for us? Lord, don’t you care we’re going to die.”

And what does Jesus do when those closest to him freak out? He doesn’t answer their question but calms the storm and sea and asks them, “Why are you afraid? Do you still have no faith?” Mark 4:40 CSB

Isn’t it interesting that Mark says:

And they [the disciples] were terrified and asked one another, “Who then is this? Even the wind and sea obey him!”.  Mark 4:41 CSB

The disciples were still afraid, but it was no longer because of the storm they’d just survived but because Jesus had the authority to do so.

As I sit, mulling this over, I can’t help but think of my storms and ask myself why am I afraid?

Honestly, I don’t want to experience any pain or suffering; I want to spend time with my family, and I’m not ready to go to heaven. Yet, I must ask myself because Jesus asked his disciples, “Do you still have no faith?”

I’ve known Jesus for over thirty years, yet my fear of life storms is sometimes more prominent than that of him. What about you? Are you afraid of what’s happening to you? Or do you have faith in Jesus to get you through?

So, having admitted this to myself, how do we trust that Jesus can overcome the hard times we face?

For me, I remembered all the times God’s faithfulness had prevailed in my life by rereading my old journals. But I also studied God’s word. I read and declared so many of the promises that are in the Bible. Did you know that 365 bible verses tell us not to fear? That’s one for every day of the year.

For example;

“Fear not, for I am with you, be not dismayed for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.”  Isaiah 41:10 CSB

                                              For I know the plans I have for you”—this is the Lord’s declaration—“plans for your well-being, not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope.  Jeremiah 29:11 CSB   

  And remember, I am with you always, to the end of the age. Matthew 28:20 CSB

Therefore I tell you: Don’t worry about your life … Matthew 6:25 CSB 

But what if we’re still afraid of the future despite knowing that Jesus has authority over everything we face?

I came to realize that it’s ok. So many of the stories in the bible are when people are frightened, and God goes with them and before them. God doesn’t abandon us because we’re scared. Instead, his son carries us in his arms, and as a newborn baby stares at their mother’s face, we gaze into the eyes of Jesus.

Sitting in his arms, I cried,

“Jesus, I can’t see the way ahead!”

Jesus replied, “No, but you can see my face and feel my heartbeat as I hold you close. Don’t worry about the way.  I know where you’re going, and I will carry you there. I won’t let you slip from my arms.”

Sometimes, when we’re distraught, focusing on Jesus gets us through the stormy seas around us.

P.S. My results were negative. I didn’t have cancer.

P.P.S. I know you may have received the result you didn’t want, but know God is carrying you as you navigate this storm, and we’re praying for you.

 

A love letter from God …

Dear lovely one,

Why are you afraid? Do you still have no faith? Look up! What do you see? My son is carrying you. Do you see his smile? His eyes? Yes … then you know he loves you. 

Listen, what do you hear? Are your thoughts spiraling and telling you you’ve got cancer, you’re going to die, you can’t have a baby, and you’ll never recover your mental health? If so, listen again. Can you hear his heartbeat as you nestle against his chest? It’s slow and steady. He’s not anxious or worried about your journey because he has my power and authority to still the storm you’re in. 

I see you, my beloved; I love you. 

And, I am with you always.

Love, God